Tired.

Hi.

I'm Jeff.

I'm pretty weird.

I'm also rather crazy.

But I'm very sharp minded.

I suppose the word you could use to describe me is "Eccentric".

I'm really funny when I want to be.

I'm really stupid when I want to be.

I'm really smart when I want to be.

I'm really anything when I want to be...

I am a very spontaneous person.

I can't stay in one spot for too long.. Physically or Mentally.

I love life and everything it has to offer, but I also hate life and wish I was dead.

I'm someone who's been blessed with a lot of luck, and fortunate circumstances.

But the sad part is all of my talents are wasted on me.

I'm amazing in theory, but useless in practice.

I'm an amazing friend to some, and a terrible friend to others..

I'm a different person with everyone I talk to, and I don't know why.

I suppose because I have such a diverse personality that I can't just stay as one thing.

I am a very happy person but also a very depressed person.

I'm very strange even to myself.

I haven't encountered another such as myself in all my years.

I don't think I ever will.

I've encountered a lot of people with similar personalities as me, but none with the whole package that is "me".

So I suppose I am "unique".

Which kind of sucks, but I suppose I have to just get used to it.

I don't really like people.

I get bored easily of conversations.

But I'm really nice so I don't say it.

I still haven't figured out if I'm just really perceptive, or I've unwittingly tapped into something bigger than myself and am hitching a ride on someone/something else.

I'm a very positive person, but very morbid.

I've seen people die countless ways.

I'm not surprised or shocked by anything anymore.

I've become someone totally different since the Krystal stage.

All of my innocence has left.

Oh by the way I met Isaac in person, we hung out a few times. Went to church.

It was pretty fun, we're still good friends.

I think I'm his only friend.

I don't mind being his only friend.

I just hate conversing with him now a days though.

He too is a shell of his former self.

I'm very wild and spontaneous when I'm with him, to try to break him out of his shell.

But it hasn't been working.

I really miss the way we used to be.. But we both ran out of the fuel that drove us to such conversations.

I used to think all I ever wanted was thought provoking conversations with people.

But I suppose I'm burnt out of it. I honestly don't care anymore about the deep things of life.

I guess because no one can challenge me.

People give their insight and I either already knew that or I know better and I explain my view to them and they're like "Wow I didn't think of that".

So I guess Isaac spoiled me a lot.

But I now understand what he meant when he said he didn't want to drag anyone into his pit.

I'm now in the same pit as him, and I can't say that I regret it.. But I don't like it.

No... I've evolved past Isaac.

I'm "deeper" in this pit than him.

But whether it's because he stopped caring at some point, or I just have a larger capacity than him I don't know.

Don't really care.

I'm alone regardless.

It would be nice to have someone like me to talk to.

Someone who's just like me.

As I said... I've become someone totally different since the Krystal stage.

That had a huge impact on my life and how I see things.

But I've come to a point in my life where I just don't care about anything anymore.

I've become fat and lazy and I just don't care to better myself anymore.

I see no point in it.

I've become a bitter old man trapped in a 21 year old's body.

But the fact that I'm not dead yet means that there's more to this madness.

There's more to this life that I need to learn.

I just wonder if I can live up to His expectations.

I doubt it. But you never know.. With God all things are possible.

All I care for at this point is rest.

I've burnt my mind out.

I've thought of so many things.

I've exhausted myself to the point where all I want to do is sleep. Forever.

I love sleep. So very much.

I'm tormented by my own thoughts. I can't shut them off.

Anyone else would have killed themselves by now, but I know that's not the answer.

I can't ever do something like that.... But perhaps I'm just not there yet.

Who knows..

I really should see a psychiatrist.

But I'd end up having them talk about their problems to me lol

I'm a really good psychiatrist.

I can see into people's souls.

I'm never wrong.

But I grow so tired of everything...

I grow so tired of being alone.. Being the only one who can see clearly..

I hate that I'm the only person I know with the powers that I have.

I feel like I'm part of a group that died off or forgot about me or something.

I wish there was someone else out there. I really do.

But that's too much to hope for.

I'm gonna go to sleep now. Goodnight.