First

I have absolutely no idea what to write here. First blog post, so many ideas...so many thoughts... I think I'll just write exactly what comes to mind as it first comes to mind.

I am Jeffrey Ely. I sing, I play guitar, I like philosophy and science and church. Weird combo but not really.

I have no idea who I really am.

I go through life... this life... this thing..what ever it is.. doing things and I don't know who or what I am. I wonder in certain situations who I am and why I'm doing what ever it is I'm doing.

I have many deep rooted issues that come from a lot of things. I could get into it, but the end result is that they are now my issues and no one elses.

What ever the reason, the cause behind them... that is in the past, and now that I recognize these issues and where they come from, it is up to me to fix/solve them.

I pray to God... whoever that is. I have no idea really. People get so pissed off about different ideas of Him/Her/It/That... I really don't care bout holy/sacred texts that tell us of who He is..

I find great peace and comfort in a few of the verses of the Bible. I can't say that I've read the Koran, or any other holy book.. so I can not judge.

But I would assume it's basically the same as the bible, but different deity's names are changed around, and their miracles might vary.

But in the end it's the same... My God is bigger than your god. I capitalize My God, but leave your god small, lowercase and insignificant.

I honestly don't believe any of it. I feel there's something more to it. I feel they're on the right track though... But not for the reason they think.

I feel this super amazing awesome life force called God. I feel Him. I know He is there. I say He because I have no idea whether He is a She or an It or a Whatever, but for the sake of saving time... and so I don't have to keep typing He/She/It/That.... I'll just say He.

I feel Him all around me all the time. Well not all the time, but because of my own fault not His.

I know He see's me, and feels me. I know We are probably the same person/thing. Whether that makes him less amazing or me way more amazing I do not know.. But I do know that He and I exist and have a connection very very deep.

He always does what I ask, and never lets me down. Problem is there's stuff He wants me to do that I rarely/never do.... That is very mean and cruel, and makes it seem like He's my horse.. And in a way the way I treat Him....He kinda is.

And I feel bad about that. But not bad enough to actually do something about it. Why? I have no idea... I am a very lazy and sinful person. Slothful.. I can barely find the energy to sit back on my chair and type with my wireless keyboard in my lap while staring at the screen with a very plain, lifeless, Steven Hawking stare... Let alone fulfill the only requests of the life force who gives me strength and keeps me safe..

He does not ask for much at all.. In fact the only things he really asks of me would benefit me only. I can't imagine Him asking something of me that would benefit Him as well. I can't imagine anything benefiting him, considering he is the very definition of the word benefit..

He has everything he could want...and if he doesn't.... he has it now because he just thought of it.

So how then can I help someone who doesn't need help? By helping myself.

That's all He asks....to clean my room, to work out, to not be mean to my mother, to tell someone on the street that it's gonna be okay and that God will take care of it, that God has their back...

The things He asks of me are well within my power to do....but I don't. WHY?


Why....


Why?

I have an idea...

I must be Satan...

Or a spawn of his..

No that's silly... or is it?

Is it really? Yes it must be because I just said so...?

No.. I'm not really the spawn of/or actually am Satan..

I am not because I feel the love of God upon me. Never giving up. But why then does it take me so long to do something I should do soooooooo fast....

If you figure that one out, and how to solve it... I'll be in your debt.

Till next time
-Jeff